


Send-off

by Flynne



Series: Thaddeus Ryder [4]
Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: M/M, Tweaking the last conversation on the bridge before Meridian, because i have a lot of emotions about these dorks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-02 09:11:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14541450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flynne/pseuds/Flynne





	Send-off

Thad didn’t remember exactly when Gil had started helping him gear up. They’d just fallen into the routine somewhere along the line. He’d gotten pretty good at it, actually, so when his hands faltered now, Thad noticed. “Everything okay back there?”

The reply was uncharacteristically subdued. “Yeah. Yeah, fine.” Gil re-fastened the catch he’d let slip. “What about you? How do you feel?”

Thad smirked ruefully. “Well, any craving for caffeine I might have had has been well and truly crushed.” He looked down at his hands, flexing them a few times. Gil and Lexi had collaborated to slap together a mod for his armor that administered the doctor’s cocktail of stims and pain dampeners and God only knew what else that was keeping him on his feet. “Lexi’s party mix has me buzzing like I’ve had about ten cups of coffee. Which I have done before, so I’m speaking from experience. And if I squint, the world looks a little sparkly. So that’s fun.”

Only silence came from behind him. Thad winced inwardly. Gil hadn’t objected when Lexi had asked him for help - hadn’t said a word, really. He’d glanced between Thad and Lexi once, then nodded and gotten to work. He’d said little since then. Thad waited a beat or two longer before saying, “You’re awfully quiet.”

Gil gave Thad’s back a firm pat like he always did to let him know he was done. “Don’t really need too much talk. I snoozed through your speech anyway, so really, I’m just trying to avoid a situation where you give me a pop quiz about what you said. I’ve got the  _Tempest_ humming like no tomorrow, though. Wait. Bad choice of words. Just…she’s humming.”

Thad’s short exhale was almost a laugh, but although Gil’s words were casual as always, his tone was anything but. He straightened the cuffs on his gloves as they walked from the armory onto the empty bridge, and even though it was a stupid question, he still asked, “You okay?”

Gil didn’t meet his eyes, looking instead at the slot where he’d fitted the mod. “I don’t like what you and Lexi had me do.”

“I know. But it’s helping.” Thad told him. When Gil finally looked at him, he gave him a reassuring little smile. “Really, it is. And I’ll be okay. Lexi knows what she’s doing. And I do, too, mostly. Or at least I can fake it.”

Gil looked bleak. “Every time you’ve gone after the Archon, you’ve died.”

“Only a little.” Thad’s heart constricted at the ache in Gil’s words, but he did his best to speak lightly. “And technically the Archon wasn’t the one who killed me the first time. So I think my track record is pretty good.”

 _“Thaddeus.”_  Gil’s voice caught, and he closed his eyes, bowing his head. “Not now. Please.”

Thad sighed, curbing his habitually flippant tongue. He drew near to take Gil’s face in his hands, bending to press their brows together. “I’m sorry,” he said softly.

“It’s all right.” Gil curled his hands around Thad’s wrists, gripping so tightly that Thad could feel the pressure through the protective layers of his suit. “Just keep your head in the game, yeah? I can tell you’re hurting a lot more than you’re letting on.”

“Don’t.” Only one word, but Thad couldn’t keep his voice from shaking. He’d shored himself up, shutting away his worry and fear and anger for his sister as best he could, but Gil’s quiet words threatened to shatter his control. “I love how well you read me, but…I need to stay strong, here, and I can’t - ”

“Hey.” Gil pulled back just a bit. “You are strong.” He shifted his grip from Thad’s wrists to hold his hands. “And so is Silla. And you’re going to get her back.”

The turmoil in Thad’s chest settled just enough for him to manage a shadow of his usual lopsided smile. “If I know her, she’s already kicked the Archon’s ass and is using his head for a footstool. It’ll all be over by the time I get there.”

“True enough. Guess you should get a move on, then.” But Gil didn’t release him. He just stood there, holding his hands. Thad could see what he was thinking -  _I love you_ , and  _I don’t want you to go_ , and  _Come back_  - but he knew Gil wouldn’t say them aloud, couldn’t say them, because all of them sounded too much like  _goodbye_. “I believe in you, Thad,” he said at last, gaze warm and fiercely bright. “Now bring us home.” 


End file.
